log 517

First post of the year. : ) welcome back everyone.

First week of the year, I’ve been in a state of confusion. On new years eve, I learned that my hs crush was getting married. Later, through some information gathering, turns out it was a mis-pronounciation that lead to think of such. It’s JC not JT who’s getting married. Then again, when I heard the information, I’d already had doubts of the validity. Certain details just didn’t make sense.  Anyway, while in the myst, it was the thought of not getting a chance that cause the confusion but rather the fact that I didn’t care much about it. It’s strange. I mean one should be sad and all when learning of such news. I felt nothing. Maybe I’d finally took on enough jobs to numb my emotions entirely. 

When you are single, and have no immediate prospects, you tend to put much of your effort into making yourself a success for the eventual chance at a chance with your hs crush. Pathetic as it might be, I’m sure you did or are doing the same thing. 

Now that I got some solid info on the situation, shouldn’t I actually be more motivated to pursue her?  All I could think is that, this is a very possible scenario, better accept it now than later. So now my mind is calm as it ever was. Back to pushing my limit at work.

Oh and the other day, a friend asked me "Why are you working so hard".  I can honestly say, "I don’t know, I just do".